I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
it glows. i had to have it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
