Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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