hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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