I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
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