I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize