Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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