wrigley field is MILF paradise
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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