yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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