You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
