and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
