You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
