Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize