Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Randomize
