so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize