I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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