my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
