So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
