guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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