my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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