Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
love makes seman taste better
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
