am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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