FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We have so much sex to catch up on
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
