So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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