he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
