he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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