Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
