I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
