Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Randomize
