apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
pray to the hookup gods
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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