I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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