Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
