grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
