I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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