I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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