You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
