i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
