This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
