Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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