I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
