apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Your penis caused this!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
