I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
