Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
