you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
