Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
