I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
