why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
farters have to be the big spoon...
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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