took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
