don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
