he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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