Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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