In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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