hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
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