you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
