I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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