It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
