i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
