Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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