but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
