So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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