How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
