Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
