I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
