it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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