Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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