You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
pray to the hookup gods
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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