Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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