Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
