hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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