Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
