Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
