Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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