Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
