it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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