Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
