new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize