As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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