So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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